Dreading Memories
I am exploring the feeling of dread when preserving memories,
I sometimes live in the past, never look at whats ahead, those memories are the worst
I can’t bear to even allow my mind to go there, to those horrible places, the horrible things, that I had done to myself,all emotionally straining, so I live in the past in order to prevent it coming alive in the future.
The one place, the one state of mind, the one thing that thing that I use to avoid my brain from wandering
The stretch, hold, flex, release, focus, all mind clearing for I am truly grateful for my yoga mat
With all of its sticky, sweaty, rubbery, sponginess, creates a coin flip situation where those awful regretful memories come out…
Or they stay in, and away; away from my peace of mind the mat creates a fine balance
Sometimes I fall, so I press the mat harder and harder till my hands are bruised sometimes I go too far, my hip strains, and I fall over in agony trying to soothe the shooting pain.
But I get back up, and try again, the adrenaline rush makes these movements so addictive, the achievement of peace of mind that keeps me coming back
Exercising those boundaries, and walls of which I created, and are always being broken back down making me raw and exposed and my soul naked.