May 7, 2007, as you can see I am not a big fan of blogging. I want to get a tattoo. I know I want to get a circle on my left wrist. I have mixed feelings about telling people about it. Adrian dosent know yet. I dont know if I should tell him. ive never been much of a rebel. I feel really weird telling people about it. really weird.

 

 

 

March 1, 2007

I love jpegs. I relaay do I love pictures and art . they make me happy. they mzake me feel whole .

 

February 16, 2007

Uggh this responsibility thing is really a drag. I have been mega over worked lately. ski week is coming up. Im going sking. im not really looking foward to it I dont care I just want to relax i have no good books oh well.

friday febuary 2 2007

new psa project I ditched the group thank god . I feel really lonely though. I shaLL SURVIVE. IT TURNS OUT THE PERSONALITY TYPE TEST THE MYERS BRIGGS they made us take that my type of personality is the one aspies have so if I want to find out if others are aspies I have to look for INTJ. One of the reasons I came here wasmabye to find other aspies. computer industry has grown too much too fast to be a haven for aspy. saaaad.

intj baby!!

 

 

 

 

 

Friday, December 15, 2006

Party talk got me down today. people talk got me down. I came to mr.F's room cause I knew almost no one would be here. I think people are intimidated by mr florendo and how hard he works. I shouldnt talk about things like that but oh well. what can a girl do.how do they do it. how does everyone else plan outings and not get so dammed tired. why do I bother.

Thursday, December 7, 2006

My aspergers group met again Gabrielle sent me a link to a winx club video site unfortunately the videos take forever to load. So annoying. We are going to meet in sanjose this weekend at the mall in the gap. If you knew me, which you don’t, the very ridiculousness of this statement would strike you. Its like unleashing three aliens on the mall.
For some reason I don’t think anything my freestyle friends like is funny. I’m sad like that can’t laugh no more.

Friday, December the First.

We have started drawing the pictures for our animation. At last my drawing skills are starting to pay off. Makes my days better anyway. On thanksgiving break my family went to LA. On the way home it took us over eight hours to get there because of all the traffic. My mother said it was the worst drive back down in thirty years. I believe that spock is a huma n metaphor for a person with aspergers syndrome. A lot of his characteristics fit. The poor emotional skills, ability to quote regulations the lack of distinguishment of individual rights and needs.

Tuseday, November 21(more make up blog )

Several people in our class have fallen head over heels in love with illustrator. If some of these people had illustraor at home they would spend serious time there I would be worrired for their health. they do the prodjects instead of certian classwork or in lieu of . I envy their facility with the program. most programs I do I manage to bug up royally. it's incredible how long they take me. i didnt even finish the lip synching activity. thats during and after school. what a gift.

November 21 tuseday(make up blog )

I did a google search one day i looked at one image in particular; link hopped and I found my self at a place called second life. the graphics there are good I mean REALLY GOOD scary good. terrifiyingly good. What the hell is second life anyway?

friday november 17

I suck at flash. I suck at all the programs . I feel like I’m miles behind in understanding and working flash or anything else. I feel so stupid. I hate feeling stupid. I got this link to this Korean online paper doll website. I spend do many hours there even though everything is in Korean. Paper doll web sites are stupid yet at the same time strangely fascinating because you can control a page and where the data goes. There is cute music and stuff. Im not going to tell anyone about it though. I’d feel too dumb to. Its like saying I wear diapers or go to bed at eight’o clock or something.I do not wear diapers but I do go to bed at eight o clock sometimes. Les and less often recently. Why the hell am I doing this  my thoughts go to fast to have me work a diary and typing isn’t much better. Why do people share all their thoughts in a steady stream into the web which ahas room for them all.

I am writing in this blog because i am lost in the wilderness of my own mind. i should have tried to make an animatic i still could have done it but why bother. Rebecca took charge of the whole thing and i did nothing. i dont know what i am going to do im going crazy what am i thinking about. I was born crazy. the people saw the photo narrative I was in. when they had to take a wild guess about what it was about the first thing someone said was skitzophrenia (that is spelled wrong) skitozophrenia any one could tell with just a look that i am broken disturbed diseaseddamaged. i just want it all to be over let it be over at the end of the day I am too tired to pretend and be social i am always on the outside looking in. freedom to change your life ? what is that? just to go up to someone and talk to them talk to all the people I want to know but

instead of a heart i have a shrunken head in my chest beating beating beating........how would a shrunken head

people say im dramatic. overly dramitic even. how am i to help being what I am. I hate it when they call me dramatic because when they say dramatic what they mean is theatrical because dramatic means theatrical and theatrical means pretend. I dont pretend about how I feel. how can i help it if my emotions and persoanality storm the heights and hells of the emotional landscape. just because i cant express my feelings like everyone else dosent mean i dont feel.

i forget how to think forget even how to speak in the face of all these expectations.

teenage angst my mother says. with a phrase she trivializes every thought and feeling i have ever had that dosent fit int

keep up a beat. every minute that goes by i feel smaller and smaller.... i dont know why but everything feels wrong and it only affects me. im the only one poisioned. i want to fade away . I begin and end alone

i am always the watcher always in the dark. o the accecptable reigon. i am not allowed to feel.

 

october 31

I am dressed as gothic lolita. no one knows what thagt is. my costume itches. i feel like my soul has been carved out with a butcher knife and I am now going to be stupid forever. I have no soul. I am goign to go home tonight and cry because no one is doing anything. i want to cry all period. i want to scream and express my feelings.

 

 

hellloooooooo is anyone home ? October 5, 2006

There are pissy little men inside the computer making it work. they are evil

why is it that every person has their own unique dialect a form of english native only to them characterized by frequent usage of certain phrases.

Megan; squeeee

Dad I am the worst person in the world

Adrian; I want a boy with juicy lips.....

main frame illustration