Narrative Visual Perspective in English

In English, we worked on a Listener Lyric Unit. We read the Lyrical Essay Book Citizen by Claudia Rankine, which discussed being an African American in modern America, showing the microaggressions and racism that they face everyday, which is ingrained into our society. For our project, we had to write our own Lyrical Essay, interviewing someone anonymously, and then writing a Lyrical Essay about what they discussed. For Honors English, we also had to read another lyrical essay book, and then write our own lyrical essay and analysis about our selected book’s lyrical style.

Lyrical Essay

Falling into the Fire

You are not the twisting branches, nor the tree, but the roaring fire that chokes the stars of the night sky. 

Surrounded by people that are unlike you, the bird in your chest flutters in its cage. At the dinner table, you can just play pretend and be like them. Deny your attractions, because one day they could be your death. 

Your skin peeled back to the bone, you are caught in the crossfire.

The electricity in the air

crackles, your hair stands on 

end, and you wait for the impending 

disaster. 

Like the one dying blade of grass that must be eradicated, you stand out like a sore 

thumb. 

People continue to grow, but there you stay, drying out, dying. The grass grows around you and swallows the sun whole, leaving you to stand by the roots of the blades.  

Attraction to two or more. 

Their binary code runs back and forth between their mouth and your mind. 

Attraction to two or

This highway blocks your speech, an infinite red light at rush hour. 

Attraction to two

Even if you had the chance to speak, what words would race back? 

Attraction to

Would there be a crash? 

Attraction

Would there be casualties? 

So no words come racing out. As the code tramples your brain, your spirit, your hope, the siren sounds fade into oblivion. 

You think about the damage that words have caused you. And the fire rages. Angry at yourself, angry at them, angry at your love, angry at whoever made you this way

And then you retreat further and further into yourself until who you are is completely

 gone. 

The image shows clouds covering the moon in a swirl formation.

For this project, I interviewed someone about their bisexuality and the conflict that they face both internally and externally because of it. My interviewee discusses the frustration that they face as people both inside and outside of the LGBT community criticize them.

Lyrical Essay Interview

Question: Has being bi been a source of conflict for people you know?

Answer: Surprisingly, no. But at the same time, it’s a fear of mine. Because that’s why I haven’t told my mom or other members of my family, because I absolutely know that they are going to be weird about it and they would think that I was lying to them the whole time just so I could hang out with boys more. I’m so afraid to tell them. Coming out is such a stupid societal standard for the LGBT community, and I feel like only members of the LGBT community realize how absolutely idiotic it is. I hate that if I do come out to someone, they automatically assume it’s because I have a crush on them. Like, no. I’m coming out to you because when I do eventually have a crush on someone, I can talk to you, not just keep it bottled up. It also sucks that when you’re bi, you’re completely invalidated once you are in a guy-girl relationship. Like, you see on social media all the time from LGBT members saying “if you’re bi and you are in a guy-girl relationship, don’t come to pride, because it’s not for you.” It just doesn’t make any sense. If you tweet or say those kinds of things, you shouldn’t be showing up to pride because it’s a march for acceptance and love, and you’re literally just making it about hate. 

Question: What do you associate with being a citizen as someone that is bi?

Answer: That’s a really hard question because I genuinely don’t know. That’s what I’m trying to figure out before I have to be legally a citizen on my own. I think for me, it’s like wherever I am to be respectful, I just don’t know. I think… Oh god I really don’t know. I would say contributing but I don’t do shit with society. 

Question: Do you have any stories of biphobia that you have experienced or seen?

Answer. Okay but some of the biphobic stuff that I see makes me laugh so hard because I didn’t realize such an ignorant piece of shit could exist, but here I am being surprised everyday! Probably the craziest and most common idea people have is that bi people always want to be in polyamorous relationships all the time. Because that’s what I don’t understand. I couldn’t even imagine being with more than one person, it would be a nightmare for me. Not to put down poly relationships of course, they are super powerful because they can make it work, but I never could. Another one is that you need to not tell what being bi is to kids. You can’t tell them because they are going to “advance” faster or get into… I don’t know, people are just scared of their kids being fluid, which is what they should be. 

Question: What depictions of bi people in media concern you the most or make you react emotionally.

Answer: I think definitely most recently what Big Mouth did was really damaging to the bi community. I mean, it’s good to bring up pansexual understanding and representation, but they did that by putting the incorrect definition to bi people and comepletely invalidating them. Being bi is attracted to two OR MORE genders, not just male and female. It just further pushes forwards the idea that bisexual people are transphobic, and they hate non binary people and gender fluid people, when that is absolutely not true. Pan and bi are almost the exact same thing. Being bi means that you have a preference to a certain type of person, while pan means that you have an equal attraction to ALL people. I just hate how the show described bi in a very strict way, because it just really confuses people and it can’t be made their own term. For so long, I even thought bi meant that, oh you just like guys and girls. What Big Mouth said was just such a simple understanding, but sexuality is so much more complex than that. The big issue here is honestly the labels. Everybody has to know what box you fit into so you have to label yourself, which for the most part people don’t even understand the label they force you to give yourself. In general, I’m okay if you make jokes about the LGBT community, I just feel like they should have made sure it was correct, because now you are saying to your millions of viewers that certain types of sexuality have to follow certain rules. And a big part of the issue of biphobia comes from within the [LGBT] community. 

Question: Who are some bi role models that you look up to? 

Answer: I don’t there are that many out there. Maybe Aubrey Plaza? Is she bi? I think so. I know the girl from Brooklyn Nine-Nine is. Yeah I think that’s definitely a problem. We don’t have any big figures that can stand up for bisexuality really. Wow, I never really thought about that. That sucks. We have other members of LGBT community to look up to. Celebrities definitely use labels less because they don’t want to be stereotyped. Like Ezra Miller. But they’re queer. I don’t know. Labels honestly do more damage than they do good. But on the other side of it, it helps people gain a better understanding. 

Question: When do you feel most bi? Like, in an uncomforting way?

Answer: Honestly, its when I’m with a giant group of straight people. God, I feel so uncomfortable around any group of straight people that I’m with. Girls or boys. Basically, it feels like if a turtle was out of its shell and it’s skin got flipped inside out. It’s a weird conflict, you could technically talk about boys with all of your straight girl friends, but it’s not really the same thing. Being bi with straight people is like when you announce that you like someone and no matter who you say all your friends say “ew you shouldn’t like them they’re so ugly”. It’s also weird because my straight friends that know I’m bi ask me really personal questions about why I like girls. It makes me so uncomfortable. Straight people are sometimes a nightmare.

Question: Do you ever feel invisible in any situation because you can’t outwardly show who you fully are? 

Answer: Yes. Definitely in family situations. It’s like you’re walking on glass because you have to watch what you say so that you don’t expose yourself. I mean, I feel like with my family they would probably be fine with it, but they would also think that I’m lying. I don’t want to have that awkward conversation with them. I feel like my mom would be especially weird about it. I feel like they would invalidate it, they would have trouble with anything either way. That’s why I don’t want to say anything. My friends are very open and fluid, thank god. It feels good when you surround yourself with people that won’t make you feel like shit. 

Question: What’s the most frustrating part about being bi?

Answer: I mean I think it might be that for gay people and trans people they exist. People think being bi isn’t real. I thankfully haven’t had anybody I know think that or say it to me, but it’s really frustrating that people see being bi as a stepping stone. They think you are just confused. I feel like that’s where I get issues with how I dressed. Because there’s those stereotypes of how gay people dress and how straight people dress and you so desperately want to fit in. But I’m neither of those things so I had to pick and choose a side to outwardly show. It’s dumb though. I feel like when you’re bi people are just scared of you. It’s like you’re a disease. Thankfully I live in the bay area, so there’s not too much hate going on. I’m just so lucky that I live in the area and the time period that a lot of sexualities are accepted.

Lyrical Essayist Study

For my English Honors Project, I chose the lyrical essay book The Argonauts, by Maggie Nelson, a book that discussed Nelson’s personal life, closely following her relationships with her family and with her own sexuality. For this, I wrote about growing up, as well as the ideas of success and the struggle to become the person that you want to be. Many parts of my Lyrical Essay mimic the style of Maggie Nelson’s Argonauts.

Lyrical Essay

In the earlier years of my life, there is nothing that seems to be out of place, at least for one that is around 7 years old. There is only the sun, the words of those that I look up to enveloping me, lengthening my stride. There would be the chime in of a voice, look how well you are doing, you would say, and I would agree. My successes in my youth created a person that was destined for great things, and I knew from that point that I would have to be the “gifted child”. It wouldn’t be until many years later I realized how those chimes were a bomb, only waiting to go off. 

Nothing should come easily, otherwise everyone would be able to do it, a mantra from my mother that repeats in my head, something that I only fully understood once I had broken down and felt as though I had hit my rock bottom. As deep as the pit I was stuck in was, my mother’s mantra rang true, shrouding my early childhood under a shadow. How could my talents, something that I felt so passionate about, be something that was causing me so much pain? I don’t know. All that I knew in that moment is that I was being attacked by this label rather than being lifted by it. As much as one can ignore who they are, once a label is given to them they must uphold that label. One can choose to escape that label, but it comes with the cost of possibly losing those that know you by that label. 

In middle school is where I began to feel the first pushback on my so-called gifts. For the first time in my life, school became extremely difficult. English, math, science, things that used to come easily to me, now required studying. But my brother, a year ahead of me, didn’t study when he was in my year. I have no idea why I had this phobia of studying. I think that it was a brutal brawl between different parts of my mind, the one that wanted to truly succeed and the one that wanted to succeed like others. When success goes undefined, you look to other people to compare yourself to for said success. In doing so, success becomes what others do, rather than what is within your ability and grasp. And when you cannot succeed according to another’s bounds, a lack of confidence manifests. How is it possible to ever succeed?

While I am aware of these manifestations, of these destructive ideas of success, they still cast a shadow. In my speech, my writing, in my creations it is extremely clear. The constant rambling of thoughts, a spilling of words, all left without any punctuation. Ideas that seemed aligned in my head but now that they are said they are tangled and jumbled. With my words I am creating a barrier between myself and others, creating a timid person that I know I am not inside, but someone that I cannot hide. 

However, looking up to people that have different boundaries of success isn’t always bad. It is what incubates inspiration, creating the drive to rocket yourself to another boundary of success, bringing you farther than you ever thought was possible. These idolized people seem to say: It isn’t hard to reach success. If you work hard and are passionate, you can become whoever you want to be. There are no limits. And no matter how much people seem to cram those limits upon you and them, they still repeat: There are no limits. There are no limits. There are no limits. Is there really a way to become one specific type of person? I honestly don’t know, and I don’t think I ever will. All that I know is who we are continues to shift, and while labels may be placed upon us, we become a combination of labels rather than just one. So who does that make us? It makes us human.

Expository Essay

In The Argonauts, by Maggie Nelson, there are many patterns within her various stories that are told throughout the 150-page lyrical essay. Some of these patterns include: word choice, self-reflection, sentence structure, and storytelling. 

The most consistent pattern that acts as a thread throughout The Argonauts is Nelson’s storytelling. Throughout the lyrical essay she bounces back and forth between time periods in her life, all explaining a story that becomes one that is about who people are. The story that Nelson tells boils down to the idea that people are who they are, no matter what exterior parts of them change. This idea is supported by her metaphor of the Argo, a ship that constantly changes parts, but is still the same ship. The root of this story is where the title, The Argonauts, comes from, demonstrating that the soul is more important than the body. Within her essay, Nelson establishes a story by beginning her paragraph with the word “in” which then continues by establishing the time period. The non-linear composition of the book allows the reader to interact with it, to not have the full picture of what Nelson is trying to say until the book is complete. In my emulation essay, I tried to mimic this in my first line by starting a paragraph with the word “in” so that I could establish a time period of when I was around 7 years old. I then made the time nonlinear by jumping back and forth between ideas, going from the beginning of the story, to the abyss moment in the second paragraph, to where the conflict first begins in the third paragraph. 

The next tool that Nelson uses to connect to the reader in her lyrical essay is word choice. Throughout the book, Nelson uses contrasting words to emphasize differences. In a paragraph of the essay, Nelson is explaining that all experiences cannot be controlled and they are individual, that nobody can have control over “the so-called radical, or so-called normative” (72). The contrast of these two words emphasizes that nobody has control over anything. In my essay, I tried to emulate this by using strongly contrasting words as well. In my second paragraph, I am explaining how I was stuck in a dark moment, helping me realize that what my mother had said in the past was true, which then in turn “shrouding my early childhood under a shadow”. Usually, childhood is seen as something that is bright, and how I describe it in the previous paragraph, it is something that is light and happy. However, it is contrasted with the words “shrouded” and “shadow”, two words that would normally be used to describe something negative. This contrast in words emphasizes the difference between my different viewpoints of my childhood. 

Sentence structure is another major aspect of Nelson’s writing in The Argonauts that shows her style of writing. For the most part, a lot of the sentences in the essay are long, seemingly run-on sentences, as if what she is writing is just a stream of thought, like she is writing in a journal. An example of this is when Nelson is describing that the best way to find out anything about anybody is to just listen to them. She says, “How does one get across the fact that the best way to find out how people feel about their gender or their sexuality—or anything else, really—is to listen to what they tell you, and to try to treat them accordingly, without shellacking over their version of reality with yours?” (52-53). This sentence is extremely long, making it seem more like a train of thought or a revelation that Nelson is having right in front of you rather than something that has already happened. This long-winded sentence structure was the main inspiration in my essay, because this sentence structure is what sets Maggie Nelson’s writing style in The Argonauts apart from any other writing that I have read. In my essay, I wanted to use this structure of an extremely long sentence, so that my essay would also seem more like a stream of thought rather than something that had been previously thought out. In this part of the essay I am describing how I have doubts about my work and how that affects me. “With my words I am creating a barrier between myself and others, creating a timid person that I know I am not inside, but someone that I cannot hide.” By using many commas instead of breaking it up into multiple sentences I am mimicking the long-winded and train-of-thought style that comes through in Nelson’s work. 

The final pattern that comes through in Maggie Nelson’s The Argonauts is Nelson’s self-reflection within the piece. Throughout the book, as Nelson is telling stories she is reflecting upon them, as well as deriving lessons from them, acting as the narrator within her own story. This self-reflection piece makes the lyrical essay seem like more of a diary, something that we as the reader are not supposed to see, as she works out her ideas in front of us. An example of this is when Nelson is describing one thing, she then questions it, and then proceeds to come up with her own answer. In this passage, she says, “When all the mythologies have been set aside, we can see that, children or no children, the joke of evolution is that it is a teleology without a point, that we, like all animals, are a project that issues in nothing. But is there really such a thing as nothing, as nothingness? I don’t know. I know we’re still here, who knows for how long, ablaze with our care, its ongoing song” (144). She is making a claim, deriving meaning from the stories that she previously had told. However, she then proceeds to question that meaning, and then formulate what she knows is true for her. This self-reflection brings the reader into the thought process of Maggie Nelson making it a much more intimate story. This idea of “thinking out loud” in my writing is something that I knew I wanted to include in my emulation essay. In the final paragraph of my essay, I use a very similar structure to what Nelson uses, saying, “Is there really a way to become one specific type of person? I honestly don’t know, and I don’t think I ever will. All that I know is who we are continues to shift, and while labels may be placed upon us, we become a combination of labels rather than just one. So who does that make us? It makes us human.” I ask myself questions, and figure out the answers in the writing, something that reflects the style of Nelson in The Argonauts.Maggie Nelson uses word choice, self-reflection, sentence structure, and storytelling to create patterns in her book The Argonauts. In my emulation essay, I used these patterns in her writing as inspiration to write a personal story that mimicked the style of Nelson. In order to ensure that the style was similar I used many of my favorite paragraphs and quotes from The Argonauts as inspiration for my essay. The writing style of Maggie Nelson creates an intimate connection between her and the reader, and draws you into her world.