Artist Statement
My Narrative is about a man who has just gotten out of jail and is facing the changes of himself physically and mentally. He starts with questioning who he is and what has happened to him. Slowly he changes, he thinks that if he changes his physical appearance he will become like he was before he went to jail.
I chose to write this story in order to show the corruption in jail and how it can change someone. In my short story I show the thought process of my character as his mind splits into insanity.
I haven’t had any experience with this type of story line in my real life but I thought that this would be interesting to write about. Showing the idea of the corruption of jail and how just being in there for a little while can alter ones mind and body caught my interest because of what can be going on within someone’s mind and past that makes them do things that others may not understand.

 

~*My Story*~

He walks into the house slowly. After he walks through the door, he turns the lock slowly to the left, bolting the door.
I'm finally out…why was I in there for so long? I don't remember doing anything. I don't remember…my name is…Tom, but is that really who I am? I’m different.
He walks through the cold and lonely house. It was a mess but it wasn't dirty. He finds his way to the bathroom and stares in the mirror. While he was gone, the house wasn't taken care of.
How long was I gone? It seems like I was gone for a long time. But… was I only in jail for 2 years? My face, it's different.
He stares at the man in the mirror he does not recognize. He has a beard and mustache surrounding his mouth. He runs his hand shakily over it.
It has to go…I cant live with this. The looks, the memory, every recollection of jail, its maddening. I…I can’t take it anymore. It has to go. I have to be how I was before.
He reaches to the side of the sink and picks up the razor. The handle had dust starting to cover it and the blade is old and somewhat dull. He places it on his face and starts to pull it down shaving off the beard he unwillingly grew when he was away.
One strip of hair was missing now.
I can do this. If I don’t…I don’t know…
And another but this time he flinched. He saw the guard from the prison hitting him with his baton. It was a flashback from when he was stuck in the prison. The blade sliced his skin. There is a small line on his cheek. It starts to bleed but he continues shaving.
I must change. I can’t stay like this. I just can’t!
The madness has begun. He starts shaving faster attempting to get it done in a hurry. Again, another flashback. It continues. He remembers going back to his cell and looking at the wounds left behind from the guards punishments for something, but he did not know for what.
Why...Why?! I don’t understand why this is happening to me!
He vividly sees the guard walking up to him. Walking around Julian slowly, the guard chuckles and grins. The guard moves towards him.
Julian flinches as he is shaving. He takes off a small bit of skin. He has several cuts on his face now. All of them are bleeding. In his mind he is repeating 'It must go!' It all has to go! I…I want to be how I was before. I must be how I was before! It hurts…but it will change me back!
Minutes pass and he has taken off his beard and facial hair but instead now he is going after his skin. His thought process is driving him into insanity. He is getting all these flashbacks from when he was in prison, and this one guard was beating him and doing what ever he wanted to him. He doesn’t understand why but the guard continues. And it happened for days, and then months and now Tom thought it was years he was basically being tortured. He’s trying to get those memories out of him mind. He’s taking off what he had obtained in prison, even if it means taking off his own flesh, but because his experience was so horrible…he was driven crazy. The flashbacks finally stopped but the thought of himself there…he couldn’t stop shaving. There was nothing left to shave off except for his skin. He tore into his skin with the razor getting rid of his memories. His hands were shaking so much it caused more gashes in his cheeks.
What did I do wrong? Why didn’t anyone tell me what I did that was so wrong?!
He was losing blood from having so many cuts. He started getting dizzy. At last his tortured memories will rest for now as he collapsed.
It was hours before someone found him on the floor in the bathroom. His face was torn up and blood stained. So was the off-white rug and rim of the sink. The razor blade lay loosely in his hand and his body was limp. The one who found him thought that he had just lost the will to live because he didn’t lose enough blood to kill him. But instead of shrugging it off he wondered what had driven him to such an insane level that he would slice through his skin and continue doing so until he was dead. “I guess we will never know will we?” The man said out loud looking down at this mutilated body with sorrow and wonder.