Who I Am

As the oranges and pinks of twilight are quietly vanishing, and the streets darkening, little trick-or-treaters, glowing like colorful will-o-the-wisps, emerge from their homes to brighten the night with their giggles and laughter. I am sauntering down the sidewalk, holding my dad’s hand repeating seriously after him, “Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday…” The days of the week get tangled in my head, mangled and distorted like the crudely carved pumpkin faces decorating the driveways. The signals in my brain turn on and off, dancing like the flickering candles inside the pumpkin mouths. I knock on the door. My dad whispers, “Say the words.” Consonants get twisted on my tongue, and my mouth is moving yet no sound comes out. “Trick or treat!” trumpeted my father, coming to my rescue.

I was six years old and I had just been diagnosed with dyslexia. My brain was laboriously churning sounds into words like a hand-crank operated silent film. To me, words are a fusion of sounds and images. My challenges processing words were made worse because of my weak short-term memory. It wasn’t that I stumbled on words; it was that I couldn’t remember them from one day to the next.

At a young age, I was already mortified by the fiasco of my phonetic abilities. I became a milquetoast alienated from my peers. Throughout the years, I managed to repress most aching memories, though I still get painful flashbacks of scorching episodes of harassment at school. Petite and quiet–I was an easy prey. The bullies hectored me and branded me with their caustic invectives. I was devoid of repartees like a barren desert. My speech felt like an old cellulose nitrate coated film, its slowness burning holes in the words I was trying to shout. Then I went to a school specialized in teaching dyslexic children, and my entire life somersaulted.

On Shadowing Day, stepping in the classroom, I thought that my parents had taken me to the circus by mistake. Children were fidgeting precariously on rubber exercise balls, while others impervious to their balancing act were standing at attention. Most of them were working a little piece of play dough between their fingers and chewing gum to soothe them and help their concentration. I soon became an eager player in this whimsical extravaganza. There was method in this madness. The multisensory approach to learning taught me organizational and social skills, self-direction, self-advocacy, respect, collaboration, responsibility, and accountability. Most importantly, I found my voice.

Music helped open new neural pathways in my brain and improved my language skills. I became aware that my dyslexia had no effect on my singing abilities. Though I still cannot manage to remember simple nursery rhymes or my addition tables, I have no difficulty learning entire arias. When I sing, words are flowing out mellifluously, melodious and perfect. As I hone my skills as a coloratura, I cultivate my self esteem and resilience.

My journey of self discovery has been such an odyssey. My creative mind is constantly meandering through my challenges and my successes, seeking new ways to learn and thrive. During the voyage I identified other hidden strengths and realized that my visual memory was off the chart. I have acquired a sensitivity to intricate details which express itself in my appearance. My sartorial sophistication is as a much a statement of my artistry as a mean to shield myself from the outside world. I flourished in my failure to be like other children. I am no longer a miscast pantomimist in the big mise en scene of life. Being different is a gift.

I became skillful at discerning this gift in others. I can truly relate with those unique in their own ways and I have found deep satisfaction in helping them when I can. Together we are forming the little dots of colors and contrast that blend to create a beautiful pointillist painting.

Future Plans

In the fall I will be attending Otis College of Art and Design in L.A. I hope to major in fashion design, and minor in sustainability. After I have studied the American way of fashion I would then love to study in Paris. There I would like to learn the art of embroidery, and beading. I hope to make connections in European fashion brands such as Coco Chanel, Christian Dior, and Jean Paul Gaulthier. I will most likely be working for another brand, but on the side I will try to start my own line. My goal one day is to have my own brand, showing in Paris, and New York fashion week. It will take a long time, but I am willing to put in the work.