4/20-
Well, it's April 20th and i still haven't decided on what school I want to go to in the fall. I've always been terrible at making decisions. And I mean really small inconsequential decions that won't really affect my life in any way. But this, this is a massive decision that will affect my life for years to come... or for the rest of my life as my dad tells me. I honestly don't know if I trust myself to make the right choice. A walk on campus really doesn't get me very far in trying to decide where the best place for me would be. I never really had that moment where I stepped onto a campus and just knew it was the school for me. I wasn't expecting that kind of immediate reaction though, but I didn't really expect to be this clueless. I have 10 days to make a decision. Wish me luck.
4/6-
In exactly 59 minutes it will officially be spring break! And i know i promised i wouldn't talk about the weather anymore but i just checked the weather forecast for the next week and it is going to be UNDER 70 degrees and PARTLY CLOUDY all week.
So i'm leaving town.
The only question is where. Lauren is going to LA and that would be fun and everything but i have an ex-boyfriend in LA and there have been some recent issues so i think that could present some potential problems. And i'm really trying to steer clear of those. Maybe Santa Barbara! Santa Barbara is nice, and it's fun. And most importantly it's ex-boyfriend free! Syd and i are going camping for a night too... but that will be cold. You're supposed to be cold when you camp though.
OR i could drive down to Orange County and visit my cousins! And tan all week. mmmm i want to do thatttt... damn. LA problem again. Oh well i'm over it's a big city.
I just hope my boss doesn't call me and try to get to pick up extra hours. I don't even care about the fact that i'm broke right now i'm just looking for some free time. I don't know HOW she found out it was my spring break but she was definately inquiring about my plans and i KNOW she wants me to cover for her. Even more of an excuse for my road trip!
Now for something completely unrelated to anything... i have a serious ADDICTION to pearl milk tea. It's getting bad. And i think it's all because one time i was drinking one at work and my boss told me that the pearls would make me fat. I neverrrr would have thought about that before. Ever. But now that I know they are bad for me, i crave them CONSTANTLY. Whatever, Gina, I don't care about the fat content of the pearls in my milk tea. I'm getting one after class. It will be day 4 in a row. And i'm loving it.
iI hope everyone has a wonderful week! Whether you have it free or not. Spend it lovingggg <3
3/23-
How bad of an idea would it be for me to forget about college and just move to Europe?
Ok I know.
But i'm still seriously wishing...
3/16-
Sometimes i feel like i'm 18 going on 40, and that all of my apathy is really only because i see the bigger picture and that wasting my time with all the trivial things people want me to waste my time on are just... well... a big waste of my time. and then i feel like i'm 18 going on 12 and that really i am just making excuses for myself and i what i really need to do is actually be productive instead of only doing things that are instantly self gratifying.
seeing the big picture... only doing things that are instantly self-gratifying... did i just contradict myself? that's why actually recording your speculations is bad... you realize you don't know shit about anything.
what's a girl to do.
if there were more hours in the day all my problems would be solved.
almost.
3/09-
sydney and i are working together on the documentary unit and i'm actually really excited for it. we are doing a documentary on the concept of home, and finding different peoples perspectives on what "home" really means. our focus is going to be on people who have had to re-locate, so like a person in a retirement home, a child with divorced parents, a college student, a homeless person, ect. hopefully it will be interesting... i feel like it's easier for films to be interseting, and we are doing an audio documentary so we really have to get good stuff. and i'm sooo excited for the photography part of it. i hope it turns out well!
3/02-
It's honestly only good to write blogs when there are multiple things going wrong in your life. That's really the truth. If everything is fine and you're happy then you end up writing about the weather. As i've been doing. Which is just lame. When there are real issues you are dealing with on a daily basis then your mind is filled with insightful blog-worthy thoughts that should be documented. You have "aha!" moments. Do you know what i'm talking about? I mean sure there are a million things that are wrong in the world but i can't write a BLOG about those things. And all the stupid little random things that are on my mind are just lame to put out there for the world to see. And then things that matter with my friends and relationships just really isn't anyone elses business. And issues like college are just over-talked about anyways. Sooo what i've just discovered is that there is no way to write a meaningful, in-depth and interesting blog. wow. Maybe one of these times i'll get it right.
I'm feeling good. And i'm ready for an exciting weekend.
2/23-
i hate goals. i hate them. i think people feel the need to set goals for themselves all the time because they feel like they have to constantly be in control. and that's just weird. but anyways i don't ever make goals for myself but the ONE thing i KNOW i'm going to do before i die, is live in a country long enough to where i can become (mostly) fluent in the language. because sitting in a classroom trying to memorize the different verb conjagations doesn't do shit for you in the long run. i actually blame that on Jaime. this one kid in my spanish class who was fluent. it was like my first year or soemthing taking spanish, and i sat next to this kid who was in love with me and fluent in spanish. who knows what the hell he was doing in spanish one anyways but he gave me all the answers to everything. and i wasn't going to turn that down it was a guarenteed A! but i should have thought ahead becuase that gave me NO foundation and ohhh building blocks... i was basically screwed over for the next two years and got by on random extra credit points and fun little cons. i even had one of my best friends (also fluent in spanish) take a final for me. i know you think that's bad but if you knew the whole story... it was such an intricate plan it was GENIUS and i pulled it off with brilliance. WHY AM I POSTING THIS ON THE INTERNET?! i have no idea... sometimes i make such bad decisions. but i don't really think anyone will read this. oops except my unlce saw my website a few months ago and asked me about it, it was slightly embarrassing because i can't keep track of all the random shit i put on here. i should probably stop swearing in blogs... OH YEAH and confessing my sins is probably another thing i should stop... but anything to get rid of those weather posts right?
2/16-
Smile when you see the sunlight...
it's such a nice day! It feels like summer for the first time. I'm realizing i always write my blogs about the weather. Which is obviously prettyyy lame. I'm going to stop that. It's just the weather makes my moods, you know? And i'm going to Santa Barbara this weekend and if it's this nice in Mountain View then i can only imagine what it will be like there. Beauuutttiful! and The Format is in my mind
If only I could read a map
My moat is New Mexico
so it's you I wrote
so have a drink and shake some hands
oh ey oh
oh ey oh
have a lovelyyy weekend!
2/9-
So as i was writing about before, it's really hitting me how much spanish i've forgotten since i'm not taking it this year, and that makes me sad. I told laura once I quit that she had to start speaking in spanish to me so I wouldn't forget ( she's fluent) but that didn't really work out. In college I want to study international buisiness and you have to focus on a language with an accompanying region. The obvious thing would to choose spanish and Latin America but I almost feel as if I would be starting over. I mean not completely obviously but i'm thinking it would be nice to start fresh with something new. Maybe i'll fall in love with Italian in Italy and do that. oooooh I should buy some of those language tapes and learn some before I go!
Brilliant. I'm excited !
ciao :)
2/2-
i realized that my 15 year old sister who is enrolled in spanish 1 has seemingly more knowledge about the spanish language than i do after three years of taking it. thank you mountain view high school and thank you long term memory. looks like both kind of screwed me over. AND i'm going to spain this summer! how embarrassing. i have forgotten everything and won't even be able to get around and i'm going to have to ask my sister to order lunch for me... "lauren how do you say, 'where is the vegetarian menu please?'" wonderful. oh well. I CANNOT WAIT FOR SPAIN! nothinggg can stiffle this excitement.
1/26-
It's the first rain of the year today! Too bad it's too late. I'm over Winter. Way over it.
I want it to be sunny and warm so badly. That's the problem with January and February. Everyone (i guess not everyone, i'm speaking for myself here) has been dealing with cold weather for two months already, which is the maximum amount of time someone should have to put up with near freezing temperatures. My theory is everyone is depressed in January. I truly believe it. And February comes with Valentines day so just as people are starting to come out of their chronic January depression they have a month to be bitter.
12/22-
I am in complete and total shock as to how the thought of Christmas came about so fast. I just spent wayy too much money on my sister yesterday, but she's worth it. My grandpa is the hard one to shop for. Who knows.
It's going to snow in Mountain View... i can feel it.
I'm going to the city to shop and see the nutcracker today :)
Happy Holidays everyone.
I hope they are wonderful.
12/15- discoveries of the week
The issue of me not being able to wake up in the morning has reached the point of needing serious help. There, i said it.
iI am nearly incapable of making quick simple decisions (at least syd is with me on that 100 percent)
All i want for Christmas is a good vacation.
Oh and world peace.
12/8-
In nolan time
sign, what does the mind cover
are we talking
white is the winter
In nolan time
I lost all my pure feelings
The psychiatrist posing as a psychologist
When fear predicts then doubtly the mind suffers
Are we talking?
White is the winter.
Apocalypso.
II'm feeling Mew at the moment.
12/1-
I can't believe it's already December. (or detzember as german's say). I was supposed to go to Germany actually, over christmas break. The only thing i was asking for for Christmas were plane tickets. I have a friend who lives in Husum,Germany who i was going to stay with. We were going to celebrate New Years in Berlin, and even take a train to Denmark for a couple of days. It was one of those things that you're ridiculously excited for way too far in advance. The kind of thing that gets you through when you're having a rough week. The kind of thing that even makes you frustrated with still being on summer vacation because if the seasons would hurry up and change already you could be wearing a new coat that you spent all your money on so you wouldn't freeze while making your way to the next dance club in the freshly fallen European snow while drinking champagne and scanning the croud for a cute boy to kiss at midnight on New Years Eve. But my dearest parent/guardian decided to host her family at our house during New Years, causing my dream of a Christmas in Europe to die.
.... Dear Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt Bronwyn, Uncle Dean, Ailie, John, and Michael,
If any of you are reading this, please don't take it at all personally. i can't wait to see all of you! And i really am so happy you are coming. The Europe news just came as a disappointing shock. Love you all and see you in a month!
11/17-
Thanksgiving is coming up!
I am thankful for...
-My little sister
-My parents
-Means of transportation
-The mini soundbooth at freestyle
-That i have people in my life who i love and who love me.
-The opportunities i have been given, as well as second chances.
-I am thankful for the fact that i have grown up in a diverse and liberal area.
-The seasons
-I never before thought i'd say this, but i'm forever thankful that change is constant.
11/3-
I have this new thing against white lies. Not all white lies, of course. Like if someone gets a haircut that isn't flattering, or a sweater that's just plain ugly, i'm obviously not going to say so. But most of the time these days, people just lie to each other because of their own fear. I've noticed that. People try to justify it by telling themselves that the truth would only upset the person, but deep down they know the truth would be beneficial, they are just too afraid. Honesty's not as overrated as you think, people.
10/27-
medical care should be free.
legal services should be cheap.
college should be cheap.
homework should have no enforced due dates, and should be worth very few points.
Students should have required in-depth psychological analyses and intellectual potential evaluations submitted with their applications to their chosen colleges. Additionally, the qualified professional who analyzes the student should spend several years in contact with that student, getting to know them very well. In the application, they should state whether or not their individual students have the capacity to hold the position of President of the United States. If they don't, the student should never run.
Schools shouldn't waste time on beautiful days with busy work.
schools shouldn't waste time with busy work.
people should read more, including myself.
children should play outside.
10/20-
Jared Leto is quite posibly throwing his life away. I'm honestly not even into celebrity gossip, but this just needs to be done.
Dear Jared,
You are quite possibly one of THE most beautiful men alive....
... i totally respect you being really into your music, and wanting to express that side of you. But CROCS Jared?! I mean, really. And i could really do without the red undtertones in your hair there... Not my favorite look, i'm not going to lie... but ok, you're still hot.
Now THIS... this is just unacceptable. You are so much better than this! I have total faith you will regain your holyness. I believe in you.
Get on it boy.
Lovelovelove,
Leila.
10/13- discoveries of the week
i love mushrooms (?)
i am quite certain i am allergic to wheat.
i hate when people count out loud when i'm trying to count in my head.
if i suddenly crave a certain food, i won't forget about it until i eat it. and then afterwards i will feel sick and promise myself i won't eat it again for a long time
Turning up the music in your car and singing to the person in the car next to you should be the new road rage.
I