ESSAY BABY!!!!!

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Why are people fearful about themselves?

Over the last few years, I have seen people who have a fear of who they have become, having a certain distrust of what image they are showing off to the world. They are constantly trying to avoid the truth of who they are and where they came from. They seem to live isolated from the whole world all because of the fact that they despise themselves. If they just accept the fact that they are who they are, then they would live a better life and not become another victim of today’s sociable acceptance ratings.
Carlos Mencia is one of my favorite stand-up comics. He bases all of his jokes, pranks, skits and talents on the hypocrisies of America, what his personal beliefs are and his personal experiences of life. The reason why I feel so good about how he shows off his thoughts is because he is a realist. By being a stand up comic, he shows the world the truth is always the answer. He also shows to everyone how he acknowledged that he is not the perfect human being, but he doesn’t let that information stop him from leaving a permanent mark on generations of people.
He is not afraid to reveal his thoughts to every person on this planet. He grew up in East Los Angeles in the 1970’s, where race discrimination was a huge part in everyone’s life. He felt uncomfortable about who he was his entire childhood. As soon as he was old enough to realize that he couldn’t change being Mexican, he decided to accept the truth instead of fearing the fact. Once this important factor came in, he led a better life and became one of the funniest men in America.
I see this man as a strong person who will never stop delivering his message. Just as Carlos came to terms with himself, so have I learned that my identity will never leave my side.
I was born in Newport News, VA, on Oct. 5th 1988. My school back then was a little small, but just like anywhere else, there were popularity rankings in the students’ minds, but I was with the in-crowd since I had many similarities with a majority of my classmates. I saw myself to be the perfect little child. I had my entire family together under one roof, I was skinny and I was with a lot of people who shared my vision of the world. My possibility of becoming an outcast was next to nothing. My identity met the requirements of a successful life. I felt great about everything that was happening in my life.
However, that all changed when my parents got divorced. I was in great despair that this incredible, life changing split came into my life. Back then, I believed there were requirements for families and one of them was everyone must live under the same roof. Since this divorce forced my father to move into an apartment, I felt like I was a nobody. One by one, I started to lose friends. They thought I was a child from another planet. I started to create a false image of myself. I turned to food for comfort. One year later, I moved to California, where I was judged quickly and treated with the enthusiasm equivalent to a candy wrapper. By this time, my skinny body had morphed into a massive wad of unused nutrition. I tried to be like the others. I wanted my parents to get back together, but it was their decision and I couldn’t change it. I tried to get rid of the fat, however, food was my only comfort from the stress of everything that was happening in my life. For every failure I had from each attempt to change myself came more time of disappointment. I found myself changing for the worst as I progressed in life. Others called me names and treated me and my possessions as if they were sawdust. My soul, without a second thought, accepted all the negativity as a part of my identity. I started to swear repeatedly, not care about school, and even became a conman with academics. My confidence of my image plunged like an asteroid heading to Earth.
My lifestyle was like this until I reached the age of 14, when I started high school. I finally came to the conclusion that I was avoiding the fact that I was different from everyone else. I was trying to act like the popular kids, trying to become that perfect child again, but not only did it not settle so well for me, it made me look like a fool, setting me up as the perfect target for criticism and humiliation. I was trying to be the popular kid I once was which required trying to get my parents back together and by trying to get rid of my southern accent. As soon as I accepted that this was not in the works to happen, my feelings toward who I had become changed. I felt, for the first time, that I could accept myself as a regular person, and not an outcast of any sort. My goals for life changed. I decided to change things that were flexible so that the world could see the real me. I watched my swearing, started exercising and tried to connect to people who once knew me as a bad egg. My lying and lazy days were over.
I’m still changing, trying to fix any bugs in my system, even though there is no such thing as the truly perfect human being. As a senior in high school, trying to get ready for my life after living in a house with parents, my fear of my identity will never be as extreme as it was in the past. I know for a fact that there are still boundaries for me in the world, but I will try to explore new frontiers with much enthusiasm, for my life will have a positive conclusion, just for accepting the truth that I am what I am and what I am not.

Charlie interview with Schaffy

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Interview of Schaffy.

Charlie: So, when did uh you start to realize that people were avoiding the truth about themselves?

Schaffy: Personal experience actually, um, you see, while I was in Virginia or something like that, a young lad or something like that, I was as skinny as I could get and I wasn't exactly conscience... mconscience about, um, the type of person I was back there or something like that and I was a nice guy, I was with everyone else, but then came the divorce of my parents and I was consuming a lot of things. Every, like a lot of food and when I came to California, you know, where in a young child's life, every single thing matters. I'm trying to get friends; I'm trying to have connections, you know, I was failing because of the way I talked, the way I looked and the way I act and you know I found this out and I wasn't able to feel confident I felt, you know scared because of who I wasn't right now and as life progressed you know I started to accept the fact that his is who I am. And I made a few changes because you know some of this stuff I'm not exactly proud of. But, its just, um, yea I just pretty much try to work out some stuff, or something like that, and even before that I accepted that I was a young lad, or something like that, who was pretty chubby. I.....I will admit that I did swear a lot more, uh, when I was younger, and you know I started to feel confident about myself and then I change like a lot of things. (gibber-jabber) I can have the world view me as a better person. So.

Charlie: Would you say that you've ever though of yourself as one of the people who have avoided the truth about who they are.

Schaffy: Oh definitely, you know I can't think of a single soul who hasn't, uh, you know, when you compare yourself to, pretty much, how the world is, or something like that, or at least in America, you know you feel left out. You feel like your small in a way. You're not up to the standards of what they should be or what you should compared to everyone else. And, and, so, yea you feel less confident and in some cases you may make it worst for yourself. And, you still be, you still be avoiding the truth of who you're becoming and who you re right now. And, yea, of course I view myself as someone who is avoiding the truth for quite awhile actually.

Charlie: Uh would you say that would.........would you say that avoiding the truth about yourself would make..... would make it so that other people wouldn't understand you... would you say that people wouldn't understand you as much?

Schaffy: Um, yea I guess because it would be harder for you to describe what your lifestyle is. Um, because your avoiding, you know, the real answer, you're trying to create an image of who your not, you're trying to act who you are not becoming, of who you're not. And, you (losses wind in lungs) I'm sorry, would you repeat the question, or something like that?

Charlie: Would you think that it would make people harder to understand you?

Schaffy: Yea, because they are not getting the full image of who......

Charlie: of who you really are?

Schaffy: Yes, exactly! And, you know they are all going to start getting mixed messages and sooner or later they may as well start to avoid you unless they are very compassionate and they'll just hang out with you, try to help you with your current situation.

Charlie: Uh, do you think you could make a change in either who you are or how you view yourself? Do you believe in change?

Schaffy: Like I said before, I'm trying to change who I am right now. I said I swear a lot when I was younger; I'm trying to cut that away. I said I was chubby; I'm getting some exercise. I'm trying to eat right. Of course eating right is kind of hard because everything you love to taste is kind of like crap, so (laugh) but, um, yea, um, yea people as soon as they find out who they really are, they are going to try to change themselves. Well, at least a majority of them. Um, yea, yea.

Charlie: Um, do you think the change that your trying to make in making is gonna um...... what do you think it's gonna bring you in the future? The next year, the next ten years whatever?

Schaffy: Its not going to show immediately because, for me, its going to take a long time, um, but I'm hoping that all this change will bring me more happiness and, you know, a better life style. As soon as you change something that is negative to your image, you self image, you know, you're going to get some results here and there. Some of them immediately, some of them may take maybe, like you said ten years. May even take you up to the end of your life, or something like that, you know, but overall it's going to change into a better you. And your going to have your life.

Charlie: Awesome, well thank you very much.

Schaffy: Your very welcome.