Rapturous Growth


”I can remember a place I used to go
Chrysanthemums of white, they seemed so beautiful
I can remember, I searched for the amaranth
I'd shut my eyes... to see”
–AFI, “The Great Disappointment”

An Amaranth is an imaginary, undying flower. A flower that grows in the mind, continues to flourish even after death. It may be in a memory, a possession or left within a person. It takes a lifetime and many painful experiences to create an Amaranth, however the effects of it are pure melody.
I’m half German, half American. My Amaranth decided to take it’s sweet time.
I grew up in that awkward stage, no revolution, just that simple middle-class societal crap that most people have to put up with. I was content; friends, family, good school. I didn’t much think about how my mind developed, I just had fun.
An Amaranth is imaginary, the care for it; IMMENSE. Daily tending, watering, feeding, making sure that every portion of literature, society, politics is properly eaten up and digested correctly. Nothing is to be left ignored, laying in the corner. Every scrap MUST be affectionately picked up and analyzed. And then there is still that ONE chance that your Amaranth turns out rotten, never blooms, just some repulsive stick of green.
Being an innocent twelve-year-old I didn’t know jack about politics, didn’t much care to educate myself about my culture; I existed and that was fine by me. However, that one day came in my life when my Amaranth seedling was to be tested. Say goodbye to Germany , say hello to the united states of america .
An Amaranth LOVES sudden changes. It entails so much information, so much learning that it absolutely thrives under all the new data. It spurts into the firmament, explodes into a bright white bloom. It burns everything white hot, creates this stunning landscape of a brilliant, mature mind.
I said my goodbyes, excited to reach my new destination. I had been to america several times, I had family there. I found the prospect of leaving Germany thrilling.
Got there fine, had fun, then school began.....
Never in my life had I felt so awkward, with my Germany accent, boy clothes and no sense of who I really was in this new place. Came third period I was strapped to find someone to hang out with, so I approached a girl and simply told her.
“Hi, I just moved here from Germany . Wanna sit together?”
“Yea, I’m Tanya.”
“I’m Rebecca.”
Thusly began my ascent into the american culture.
New acquaintances are a true treasure for the Amaranth. It is the viewpoint of a new person. A complete different set of data. How ENTHRALLING. Another growth spurt ensues. At this point the care for the Amaranth becomes a tad more difficult. It becomes, for lack of better words, uncontrollable. Gentle trimming, roping in and lower food rations will calm it down.
My German accent faded, my clothes became more feminine. Society and politics took on an immense, almost unbearable, importance to me. Why did people act the way they did? Why follow trends? Why would Bush start the war? Arnold Schwarzenegger for governor? Books upon books. Three at a time. I barely had time to keep up with my own reading, with my own expanding mind.
Books are a rare pleasure for the Amaranth. Some people do not read, those who do tend to have a brighter bloom. Once again new viewpoints are picked up, but so much raw data is accumulated that now the Amaranth is sure to have reached ten feet in height with a bloom that burns the smallest ignorant thought upon passing.
Being 17, almost 18, my German accent is gone, books still litter my floor, collecting dust. I whole-heartedly, openly, strongly present my political view on anything I please. Art is my release.
I don’t rope in my Amaranth anymore, I let it grow wild.
It seems to reach out for information now, no longer needing to be fed.

“I can remember... dreamt them so vividly
Soft creatures draped in white, light kisses gracing me”
- AFI, “The Great Disappointment”

 

My Interview

Megan: Where did you move to the us from?

Me: I moved here from Germany about five years ago.

Megan: Had you ever been to the US before?

Me: Yes I have. I have family here and I came to visit them every once in a while in the summer.

Megan: Did you speak english before you came?

Me: I spoke a little with my grandma when she called but other than that I didn't speak a lot of english and had a really bad german accent.

Megan: How different was the US from Germany?

Me: It's not all that different I mean the whole culture is a little more mellow, you don't see a lot of drug use and what not, but other than that it's really really similar.

Megan: Was it hard for you to adjust?

Me: Yes it was really hard. I got into depression really badly but once I made friends I was ok.

Megan: What are some examples of how you could be outgoing despite the language barriers?

Me: Things like interpretive dancing and painting ,things like that.

Megan: How did your friends help you grow?

Me: They helped me grow by realizing that no matter if I had a really bad german accent I could still be outgoing and and have fun and do what normal teens do.

♣♥♦♠